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Friday, 13 November 2026
Der Hündeler
www.hundeler.chIndependent · non-partisan · house-trainedProduced with love & AI by Karpi
Microsoft · Golden Retriever
Outlook and Teams down for hours – the Golden Retriever keeps delivering, soft mouth and all
Stock image: a Golden Retriever gazes upwards, as if waiting for the cloud to come back. Photo: Dietmar Rabich, CC BY-SA 4.0
Microsoft 365, the company’s cloud service, was disrupted for more than nine hours on Thursday and Friday. Thousands of users of Outlook, Teams, the AI assistant Copilot and other apps were affected. Microsoft said initial fixes had failed to bring services back online. A spokesperson said the company “had no indication of a cyber-attack”.
What does this mean for your Golden Retriever?
The Golden Retriever was bred in 19th-century Scotland to bring back shot game birds undamaged, a quality known as a soft mouth. That makes him the oldest delivery system in the household to function without a cloud, a server or a single update. He has never grasped the point of video calls: anyone wishing to see him is welcome to drop by, and the tail-wagging will be done in person. Nor would he have repelled a cyber-attack; he would have greeted the intruder and offered him a tennis ball. The service’s only known flaw is that deliveries arrive slightly damp, and via the nearest pond if there is one.
What you can do now: Write important messages on paper and hand them to the Golden Retriever. Allow for drool and a detour through the pond.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Sources: The Guardian, SRF
Ukraine talks · Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
Europe gets a seat at the talks – the Cavalier also owes its comeback to an American
Stock image: Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, waiting patiently on the lawn to be invited in. Photo: Filip B, CC BY-SA 3.0
US negotiators Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff have travelled from talks in Moscow to Dublin bearing announcements. Europeans are to take part in future negotiations on the war in Ukraine. Ukraine’s President Zelensky welcomed the move, saying it makes sense for European leaders to be involved as Ukraine hopes eventually to join the EU. At the Dublin summit, Luxembourg’s prime minister Luc Frieden is representing all three Benelux countries, his Belgian and Dutch counterparts being kept at home by domestic crises.
What does this mean for your Cavalier?
The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel knows what it is to have an American decide that Europeans should be brought back in. In the 1920s the American Roswell Eldridge offered prize money at Crufts for spaniels resembling those in the old court paintings. Only then did the breed return. It has since perfected its own negotiating technique: no barking, no shoving, simply sitting nearby and gazing until somebody shifts over. One delegate speaking for three is familiar to it from the sofa, where whoever lies down first represents the entire household. For the living room, the decision changes nothing.
What you can do now: Leave one corner of the sofa free this evening. The Cavalier will occupy it politely, and permanently.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Sources: Tagesschau, BBC, The Guardian
Washington · Scottish Terrier
Huang summoned by Congress – the Scottish Terrier has heard such hearings from ankle height
Stock image: Scottish Terrier on a wooden jetty, calmly waiting to see whether anyone arrives across the water with a subpoena. Photo: narujen, CC BY 2.0
Former Nvidia chief executive Jensen Huang has been summoned to testify before the US Congress about his affair with an alleged Chinese spy. Huang abruptly stepped down on Thursday as head of one of the world's most valuable companies after revelations of alleged extramarital affairs. According to media reports, President Trump was briefed on the affair twice. Mr Trump insists he knew nothing. The allegations remain unproven.
What does this mean for your Scottish Terrier?
The Scottish Terrier has sat through more White House administrations than many senators. Fala lay at Roosevelt's feet and became a campaign issue in his own right in 1944; Barney later padded through the Bush years. The breed therefore knows that the important conversations in Washington happen under the table, at precisely beard height. Whether a president knew anything is a question the Scottie ignores with great dignity: he heard everything and says nothing on principle. Served with a subpoena, he would acknowledge it and then lie down across the doorway. For Scotties in Switzerland nothing changes; the only authority that ever writes to them is the local council, sending the annual dog licence bill.
What you can do now: Ask your Scottish Terrier who took the sausage end from last night's supper. Enter the silence into the record.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Sources: BBC, Tagesschau
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Britain · Welsh Corgi
Burnham eyes a win-win deal with Brussels – the Corgi negotiates at ankle height
The British prime minister, Andy Burnham, has said he believes a “win-win” deal could be done with the EU. Such a deal, he said, could be “more like the Brexit that people thought they were voting for in 2016”. He was speaking at the European Political Community summit in Dublin. A keenly anticipated EU-UK summit follows next week, at which Burnham hopes to bring Britain closer to Europe.
What does this mean for your Corgi?
The Welsh Corgi has followed Britain’s European policy from inside the palace for decades, albeit from roughly a foot off the ground. From down there, high diplomacy consists mainly of shoes arriving and shoes leaving. As a Welsh cattle drover, he also knows how to turn a slow-moving herd in a new direction: not by making speeches, but by persistently nipping at its heels. A “win-win”, to his mind, only counts if both biscuits end up with him. For a Corgi living in Switzerland nothing changes; he knows relations with Brussels purely as a permanent negotiation over the garden fence.
What you can do now: Wear sturdy shoes on walks. Your Corgi is always happy to help a rapprochement along from behind.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: The Guardian
Climate diplomacy · Pekingese
China declines to host Cop33 – the Pekingese was never the host, only ever the occasion
China has ruled out hosting the Cop33 UN climate summit in 2028 after months of deliberations, according to the Guardian. The decision leaves the field open for other Asian countries to stage the event. Many countries and climate experts had hoped the world’s biggest emitter would take the lead on the global stage, as the US under Donald Trump has withdrawn from all forms of international cooperation on the climate.
What does this mean for your Pekingese?
The Pekingese sympathises with Beijing. At the imperial court he was kept to be received, not to receive. The smallest of them travelled in the wide sleeves of imperial robes, which left no room for hosting two hundred delegations. On the substance, however, he would welcome a successful summit: with a floor-length coat and a short nose, he copes badly with heat, and every extra hot day pushes his walk to the dog-waste bin further into the early morning. Taking the lead, though, would mean walking in front. Walking, traditionally, is something others do on his behalf.
What you can do now: On hot days, move the walk to seven in the morning. Ask your Pekingese beforehand whether he intends to attend or send a representative.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: The Guardian
Swiss cabinet race · White Swiss Shepherd Dog
Aeschi all but certain for SVP shortlist – the White Swiss Shepherd waited decades for his
Stock image: White Swiss Shepherd standing in a garden, looking at the camera as if still waiting for the party leadership to call. Photo: DanielBendig, CC BY-SA 4.0
Switzerland’s SVP party is looking for candidates to succeed Guy Parmelin in the Federal Council, the country’s seven-member government. According to the broadcaster SRF, Aeschi is all but certain to make the party’s official shortlist, while much else remains uncertain. Who makes the cut is not decided on strategic grounds alone.
What does this mean for your White Swiss Shepherd?
The White Swiss Shepherd knows what a place on the shortlist is worth, and how long it can take. In Germany his white coat was long considered a fault, and he was ruled out before he had a chance to stand. He decamped to North America, eventually returned, and found a home, of all places, in Switzerland. International recognition came in 2011, after a process that makes any parliamentary selection committee look brisk. He now carries the country’s name in his title, which has not stopped people in the park mistaking him for a wolf or a bleached German Shepherd. Being a sensitive breed, he suffers alongside every candidate waiting by the phone.
What you can do now: Address your dog by his full name today. He fought long enough for it.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: SRF
Madrid · Great Dane
Spain passes tenant protection by a single vote – the Great Dane knows all about tight squeezes
Spain's caretaker parliament has approved measures by the left-wing minority government to strengthen tenant protection, by a majority of one vote. The conservative PP party wants to overturn the decree. Spain goes to the polls in two weeks.
What does this mean for your Great Dane?
Narrow majorities are daily life for the Great Dane. Each evening it settles onto a two-seater sofa already occupied by two people, and still somehow carries the motion. Standing up to around 80 centimetres at the shoulder, it is among the tallest breeds in the world, yet remains firmly convinced it is a lapdog. At flat viewings, the landlord usually notices this in the doorway; the dog never does. For Great Danes in Switzerland, the vote in Madrid changes nothing: the tenancy agreement still applies, along with its clause allowing pets “by arrangement”. With a Great Dane, that arrangement tends to take a while.
What you can do now: Before the next viewing, have photos ready of the dog lying down. Lying down, it looks almost medium-sized.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: Tagesschau
Wildlife · Jack Russell Terrier
Ethiopian water mouse returns after almost 100 years – the Jack Russell demands a recount
Stock image: Jack Russell puppy, exhausted after mentally inspecting every mouse hole in Ethiopia. Photo: Laviolettajack, CC BY-SA 4.0
The Ethiopian water mouse has reappeared. For almost 100 years the small mammal was thought to be possibly extinct.
What does this mean for your Jack Russell?
The Jack Russell Terrier was bred in southern England to bolt foxes from their earths. Mice have been a sideline ever since, though one handled thoroughly. That a rodent could go unnoticed for nearly a century strikes him as a formal complaint about his work, despite his never having set paw in Ethiopia. He will now reopen every hole in the garden, including, as a precaution, the ones containing this autumn’s tulip bulbs. The fact that the water mouse lives in the wet does not deter him: a Jack Russell is standing in the stream before he has thought about it. For dogs in Switzerland the news changes nothing. For Swiss lawns, it changes a great deal.
What you can do now: Warn the neighbours. Do not count the holes in the lawn; fill them in.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: SRF
Crypto fraud · Shiba Inu
Fake video calls, real crypto haul – the Shiba Inu never answers unknown callers
North Korean hackers used fake video calls to steal $400m in cryptocurrency, according to the FBI. The scheme is known as FaceStealer. More than 900 victims are thought to have fallen prey to it over the last 18 months.
What does this mean for your Shiba Inu?
The Shiba Inu lent its name to a cryptocurrency and its face to the internet, yet holds no coins of its own. It would nonetheless be a tiresome target for any hacker: it greets strangers with polite indifference, however warmly they smile into a camera. Bred to hunt in the dense undergrowth of Japan’s mountains, it trusts its nose rather than whatever happens to be moving in front of it. A face that cannot be smelt is not, in its view, a face worth talking to. Pressed any further, it produces the famous Shiba scream, which in a block of flats passes for a burglar alarm.
What you can do now: If a video call ends in a request for money, hang up and ring back on a number you already know. Your Shiba Inu left the call some time ago.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: BBC
Eurovision · Basenji
Eurovision heads to Asia for the first time – the Basenji has its yodel ready
Stock image: Basenji on a woodland path, still deciding whether to attend the dress rehearsal. Photo: Niko Herlin, CC BY 2.0
The Eurovision Song Contest is being held in Asia for the first time. Bangkok is hosting the edition, billed as “Eurovision Asia 2026”. Fans in the Thai capital are hoping for a big show. Whether the premiere will be a success remains to be seen.
What does this mean for your Basenji?
The Basenji does not bark. It yodels: a high, drawn-out sound that devotees of the breed call a “barroo”. In Switzerland that ought to have been enough to join a traditional yodelling club, but such clubs tend to ask where one is from, and the answer is the Congo Basin. A stage outside Europe therefore suits it nicely. It needs no make-up artist, having groomed itself before every appearance as thoroughly as a cat. Whether it turns up to the dress rehearsal is, however, entirely its own decision. The Basenji has hunted without a director for thousands of years and has never once needed choreography.
What you can do now: Do not interrupt the yodel, even at six in the morning. Applause is permitted; calls for an encore are pointless.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: SRF
Economy · Boxer
Economists urge Germany to reform – the Boxer doesn't grow up until three either
The German economy is growing slightly again, Deutsche Welle reports. High debt, weak productivity and a lack of reforms are, however, holding back the recovery. Economists warn that without reforms, higher productivity and sound public finances, Germany risks losing prosperity, rising debt and burdens for future generations.
What does this mean for your Boxer?
The Boxer hails from Munich and therefore follows the German economy with a certain patriotic interest. He is a notorious late developer: it takes two to three years for him to grow up, and some owners are still waiting. His productivity comes in bursts, ten minutes flat out on the village green, followed by an extended period lying in the grass. His short muzzle ensures he never overheats for long, which is more than can be said for some economies. That he was among Germany's first police dogs proves that, given clear structures, a great deal is possible. He rarely accepts this.
What you can do now: Introduce reforms in small portions, ideally in cool weather. One new command per quarter is plenty.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: Deutsche Welle
Vienna · Leonberger
Vienna stops turning a blind eye to spies – a Leonberger leaves hair at every meeting
Stock image: a Leonberger in profile, mouth open, and quite clearly not bred for discretion. Photo: Pleple2000, CC BY-SA 3.0
Vienna is regarded as a playground for secret agents, partly because the Austrian authorities looked the other way for too long, according to the NZZ. The government now intends to change that and take a tougher line on espionage. Its main focus is on Moscow’s diplomats.
What does this mean for your Leonberger?
The Leonberger knows Vienna from the inside: Empress Elisabeth, better known as Sisi, kept Leonbergers, and the breed was a familiar sight at Europe’s royal courts in the days when diplomacy happened in drawing rooms. Even so, it is spectacularly unsuited to intelligence work. It was bred to resemble the lion on the coat of arms of the German town of Leonberg, and nothing about a lion is discreet. On top of that, it sheds its undercoat in quantities that would keep any forensics team busy for weeks: anyone who has stroked one carries the evidence on a dark suit for days. Its good nature extends to every embassy equally, which in Vienna long passed for tradition. For Leonbergers in Switzerland nothing changes, except that the hoover will continue to know more about them than any intelligence service.
What you can do now: Pack a lint roller before any walk through the diplomatic quarter. Diplomatic immunity does not extend to dog hair.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: NZZ
Brief barks
SRG radio stations are back on FM. The Basset Hound never noticed they had left; his ears have always received everything in analogue. (SRF)
On Future Day, Swiss children are trying out jobs free of gender stereotypes. The Border Collie is sitting it out; he has known his calling since birth. (SRF)
Indonesia's vice-president has resigned as the ruling alliance shows cracks. The Husky also leaves the team without notice. (BBC)
Imprint
Der Hündeler is a work of satire.
All 12 articles of this edition at www.hundeler.ch. Photos: Wikimedia Commons, resized, greyscale.
Produced with love & AI by Karpi · www.hundeler.ch
