Microsoft · Golden Retriever
Outlook and Teams down for hours – the Golden Retriever keeps delivering, soft mouth and all
What happened
Microsoft 365, the company’s cloud service, was disrupted for more than nine hours on Thursday and Friday. Thousands of users of Outlook, Teams, the AI assistant Copilot and other apps were affected. Microsoft said initial fixes had failed to bring services back online. A spokesperson said the company “had no indication of a cyber-attack”.
What does this mean for your Golden Retriever?
The Golden Retriever was bred in 19th-century Scotland to bring back shot game birds undamaged, a quality known as a soft mouth. That makes him the oldest delivery system in the household to function without a cloud, a server or a single update. He has never grasped the point of video calls: anyone wishing to see him is welcome to drop by, and the tail-wagging will be done in person. Nor would he have repelled a cyber-attack; he would have greeted the intruder and offered him a tennis ball. The service’s only known flaw is that deliveries arrive slightly damp, and via the nearest pond if there is one.
What you can do now: Write important messages on paper and hand them to the Golden Retriever. Allow for drool and a detour through the pond.
