Back to the editionIn the print dialog: paper A4, scale 100%, margins “Default” or “None”, headers and footers off.
Thursday, 12 November 2026 (edition 2)
Der Hündeler
www.hundeler.chIndependent · non-partisan · house-trainedProduced with love & AI by Karpi
Silicon Valley · Chow Chow
Nvidia's Jensen Huang steps down – the Chow Chow does not do interim arrangements
Stock image: a Chow Chow lies on the tarmac at the end of its lead, reviewing the interim arrangement. Photo: Thomon, CC BY-SA 4.0
Jensen Huang is stepping down as chief executive of the US chipmaker Nvidia. His duties will be taken over on an interim basis by the company's chief financial officer, Colette Kress, Nvidia said. According to media reports, affairs led to his departure; the company itself has given no official reason. The matter is likely to have repercussions in the US Congress.
What does this mean for your Chow Chow?
The Chow Chow comes from China and has always run a one-person operation: it listens to exactly one human, and everyone else counts as a visitor. Should that person leave, there is no deputy, no contingency plan and no acting leadership. Anyone who has tried to walk a neighbour's Chow to the dog-waste bin while she was on holiday knows the procedure: the dog lies down on the pavement, mane first, and waits until the leadership is restored in full. It considers exercise overrated anyway, so a leadership vacuum is a welcome excuse. Its view of the situation is expressed, at most, through a yawn and a flash of blue tongue. Nvidia may count itself lucky that its staff are less principled.
What you can do now: Introduce the dog-sitter months before the holiday, not on the morning you leave. Allow for a lengthy handover period.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Sources: SRF, Deutsche Welle
Swiss Parliament · Dobermann
Swiss committee rejects 2027 budget – the Dobermann only ever guarded the income
Stock image: a Dobermann following the budget debate closely, ears down. Photo: Jack Berry, CC BY 2.0
The finance committee of Switzerland’s National Council, the lower house of parliament, has voted down the federal budget for 2027. The committee is recommending that it be rejected. The discontent comes from both the left and the right.
What does this mean for your Dobermann?
The Dobermann hails from Apolda in Thuringia, where a tax collector bred him around 1880 to protect him on his rounds. His brief was narrow: guard the money coming in. What happened to it afterwards was never his department. He watches left and right in Bern uniting against the same document with the vigilance bred into him, and distrusts both sides in equal measure. Personally, he has little at stake: the dog tax in Switzerland is levied by the local council, not the federal government, and falls due regardless. Swiss Dobermanns, incidentally, wear their ears down, as nature budgeted them, since cropping is banned.
What you can do now: Avoid arguing about money at the kitchen table. The Dobermann is more sensitive than his reputation suggests and takes every budget dispute personally.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: SRF
Buenos Aires · Beagle
Ex-Red Brigades member hides ankle tag in pork – a beagle would have found it in seconds
Stock image: a beagle in a red harness rests in the grass after a search, with no intention of climbing down anything. Photo: Trougnouf (Benoit Brummer), CC BY 4.0
A 74-year-old former member of Italy’s Red Brigades has escaped from house arrest in Argentina, the country’s security ministry confirmed on Wednesday. Leonardo Bertulazzi reportedly hid his ankle monitor inside a tube of pork and used a harness to lower himself from a fifth-floor balcony. He had been under house arrest in Buenos Aires since 2024, awaiting extradition to Italy to serve a 27-year prison sentence handed down in 1987.
What does this mean for your Beagle?
The beagle works at several airports as a detection dog for smuggled food, with cured meats very much on the list. To a beagle, a tube of pork is not a hiding place but a set of directions. The ankle monitor would have been inspected briefly and discarded: electronics do not smell of supper. Being a pack hound, he would then have bayed about his discovery until the entire fifth floor was informed. He also has reservations about the harness. A beagle in a harness travels strictly horizontally, nose to the ground, towards the nearest butcher.
What you can do now: Never store meat below table height. Take your beagle shopping as quality control, on a short lead.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Sources: The Guardian, BBC
Advertisement
Language course “Human for dogs”
Understand what “no” means. And ignore it.
In just eight weeks, understand what “no” means. And ignore it.
Diploma not recognised by the association, nor by the dog.
Dairy · St Bernard
Cremo heads for Fribourg, Valais frets over raclette – the St Bernard drools in solidarity
The Swiss dairy processor Cremo is undertaking a radical overhaul by 2030 and will concentrate its production in the canton of Fribourg. The company is to focus on a single headquarters and three product lines. In the canton of Valais, there are fears for the future of its raclette cheese.
What does this mean for your St Bernard?
The St Bernard comes from the hospice on the Great St Bernard Pass, which makes him a native of Valais. When Valais worries about its raclette, he worries too, and visibly so. The breed is famous for its loose jowls: at the smell of melting cheese, he reliably turns the dining-room floor into a skating rink. His historic job was to find lost travellers in the snow and bring them home. No equivalent programme exists for a cheese that may be leaving. Whether Fribourg will make Valais raclette in future, or none at all, the report does not say.
What you can do now: At your next raclette evening, put a bath towel beside your chair. It is for him, not the cheese.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: SRF
Luxembourg · Yorkshire Terrier
Poland loses seven times at the EU's top court – the Yorkshire Terrier knows coal from below
The European Court of Justice has dismissed all seven legal challenges brought by Poland against the EU climate package known as “Fit for 55”. Poland had taken action against the legislative package adopted in 2023. The rules are intended to make Europe climate-neutral by the middle of the century.
What does this mean for your Yorkshire Terrier?
The Yorkshire Terrier hails from the north of England, where it once caught rats in coal mines and textile mills. It knows coal from an angle no energy minister has ever seen: eight inches above the floor of the pit. It is therefore under no illusion about how long it takes to give coal up. Britain needed decades, and the Yorkshire Terrier ended up in a handbag. Seven dismissed cases strike it not as defeat but as stamina. It has barked at the postman for years without a single result and has never once considered dropping the matter. For Yorkies in Switzerland, the ruling changes nothing: Switzerland is not in the EU, and a handbag counts as carbon-neutral as long as somebody else carries it.
What you can do now: Leave the handbag at home for once. Three kilos can make it to the dog-waste bin on their own legs.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: Tagesschau
Nanjing · Pug
Nanjing measures attention with AI – in a pug it mostly detects snoring
Stock image: pug in front of a red wall, looking sceptical and defying any analysis. Photo: C Rohdin (SLU), CC BY-SA 4.0
AI-powered cameras are to check whether students at Nanjing University are following lectures or looking at their phones. The new “smart classroom” system has prompted protests among students. The university’s leadership is trying to calm the criticism; the NZZ describes its explanations as flimsy.
What does this mean for your Pug?
For centuries the pug lived at the Chinese imperial court, where its principal duty was to be present. Its face has worn the same expression ever since, whether it is following a lecture on constitutional law or thinking about a sausage. Software designed to tell attention from distraction would, depending on the lighting, log it as a model student or a complete write-off. It does not own a phone, which formally clears it. Should a lesson run beyond a quarter of an hour, however, it emits an audio signal that any system can classify correctly. Swiss dog schools do not, as yet, count snoring as an absence.
What you can do now: Book a seat in the front row at obedience class. It will be audible at the back regardless.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: NZZ
Brexit · Whippet
UK carmakers seek two-year delay – the Whippet requests one after every sprint
The UK car industry is preparing to push the EU for a two-year delay to Brexit tariffs on electric cars, after an initial European proposal suggested a shorter one. Unless the two sides agree, tariffs will apply from 1 January to most electric cars traded between the EU and the UK. The cause is the “rules of origin” on batteries, whose implementation has already been postponed once.
What does this mean for your Whippet?
The Whippet understands the battery problem better than most: thirty seconds at full throttle, then twenty hours recharging under a blanket. Like any battery, it loses range dramatically in the cold; below five degrees it barely makes it to the nearest dog-waste bin. Bred by miners in the north of England who could not afford a racehorse, its rules of origin are impeccably British. A two-year delay strikes it as modest; it routinely postpones anything scheduled after lunch until tomorrow. For Whippets in Switzerland, nothing changes, except that 1 January brings its own unpleasant deadline: the New Year’s Day walk.
What you can do now: Get the dog coat out now. Without it, range drops to the pavement outside the front door.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: The Guardian
Helsinki · Borzoi
Finland shuts out Russian athletes – the Borzoi never entered the cross-country anyway
Stock image: Borzoi, having withdrawn from the cross-country, rests its snout on a cushion. Photo: ROVER_JP, CC BY 2.0
Finland says it will restrict entry for Russian athletes because of the war in Ukraine, potentially affecting a number of winter sports, with figure skating and cross-country skiing the first to be affected. The move follows a backlash in Finland to Russia being reinstated for the ice hockey world championships. “As long as Russia’s war of aggression continues, Russian athletes have no business in Finland,” said Elina Valtonen, the foreign minister. Their entry, she said, would be a threat to Finland’s international relations.
What does this mean for your Borzoi?
The Borzoi hails from the court of the tsars, but a pedigree is not a passport: a Borzoi raised in rural Switzerland is Swiss, pays its annual dog tax to the local council and remains free to visit Helsinki. It would not have qualified for the affected events in any case. The breed is a sprinter, built for short, very fast runs across open country; after a few hundred metres it considers the matter closed. Cross-country skiing goes against its character, figure skating against its four very long legs. It receives the news in silence, gazes eastwards for a while, then back at the sofa.
What you can do now: Before travelling abroad, check your dog’s pet passport. For a Borzoi, pack a cushion as well.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: The Guardian
Arlington · Giant Schnauzer
Guard rebukes Hegseth's group, Hegseth decorates the guard – the Giant Schnauzer nods gravely
On Veterans Day, a guard at Arlington National Cemetery reprimanded a group around US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth for laughing loudly. Hegseth was rebuked for inappropriate behaviour. Following Wednesday's incident, the soldier, Specialist Thomas Iglesias, was awarded the Joint Service Commendation Medal for the execution of his duties.
What does this mean for your Giant Schnauzer?
The Giant Schnauzer hails from Bavaria, where it guarded cattle markets and breweries: places with a great deal of laughter, none of it its own. It knows the first rule of guard duty: the rank of the offender is irrelevant. Drayman or minister, it announces itself in a low voice and stares out from under its eyebrows until order is restored. It has never received a medal for this, at most a slice of sausage from the brewmaster. That the person rebuked should now hand over the decoration himself strikes it as a perfectly proper chain of command. In Switzerland, the local council would probably have sent a recorded-delivery letter.
What you can do now: Give your Giant Schnauzer a job before it finds one of its own. Supervising your next drinks reception is only partly suitable.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Sources: BBC, SRF
Florida · Newfoundland
Famed liner SS United States sunk on purpose – and nobody called the Newfoundland
Stock image: a Newfoundland stands ready in the water, waiting in vain for a ship to sink. Photo: illryion, CC BY 2.0
The famed ocean liner SS United States has been deliberately sunk off the coast of Florida. The historic ship is to become the world's largest artificial ocean reef. Activists had wanted the liner to be turned into a museum instead.
What does this mean for your Newfoundland?
To a Newfoundland, a sinking ship is what an alarm bell is to a lifeboat crew. This time an entire ocean liner went down, on purpose, with full permission, and without anyone needing to go into the water. The Newfoundland has webbed toes, a water-resistant double coat and a job description from Canada; none of it was required. He takes this personally, though gently: he sulks on the shore and drools quietly onto the beach towels. His only consolation is the reef. Fish are moving in, and fish are things that could, in principle, be fetched out of the water.
What you can do now: Head to the lake at the weekend and let an inflatable dinghy drift a few yards out. He will bring it back, and everyone will feel better.
Dog relevance ●●○○○ · Source: BBC
Archaeology · Samoyed
2,800-year-old cannabis users found in Siberia – the Samoyed smiles for other reasons
A researcher from Bern has detected cannabis in a grave in Siberia. The find is around 2,800 years old. It is considered the oldest direct evidence of the plant being used as an intoxicant.
What does this mean for your Samoyed?
The Samoyed comes from Siberia and has been smiling for as long as anyone can remember. Until now this was considered a breed trait; since this report, he has been getting longer looks in the street. The explanation is entirely sober: the upturned corners of the mouth are said to stop drool dripping and freezing in the cold. He smiles for reasons of frost protection, not relaxation. The only suspicious thing about him is his coat, which brings home every blade of grass from the local park. A lab sample would mostly turn up hair, since he sheds all year round.
What you can do now: If questioned, point to the corners of the mouth and Siberian winter temperatures. Brush thoroughly before visiting the in-laws.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: SRF
Himalayas · Tibetan Mastiff
Five new frog species found in the Himalayas – the Tibetan Mastiff never deigned to notice
Stock image: black-and-tan Tibetan Mastiff on a lead, not responsible for anything smaller than a snow leopard. Photo: Knuut Nissinen, Public Domain
Scientists have discovered five new species of miniature frog in the eastern Himalayas. According to the researchers, the frogs evolved as the Himalayas rose and the Asian monsoon took shape.
What does this mean for your Tibetan Mastiff?
The Tibetan Mastiff has guarded Himalayan monasteries and herds for centuries, working from a strict list of priorities: snow leopard, wolf, stranger at the gate. Anything smaller simply does not exist in an official capacity. Missing five species of frog is therefore not an oversight but a sensible division of labour with the scientific community. Besides, his main shift is the night, and at night he prefers barking into the darkness to peering under wet leaves. In China, individual Tibetan Mastiffs once changed hands for millions; a miniature frog would not have made it onto that market even as a free gift. The same order applies in a Swiss back garden: the pond belongs to the amphibians, the driveway to the mastiff.
What you can do now: Glance at the ground now and then on the evening walk. The Tibetan Mastiff will continue to cover the horizon.
Dog relevance ●○○○○ · Source: BBC
Brief barks
SRG radio stations can be heard on FM again. The basset hound never switched his aerials off in the first place. (SRF)
The Eurovision Song Contest is being held in Asia for the first time, in Bangkok. The basenji has entered with a yodel, barking not being an option. (SRF)
On Future Day, children try out jobs beyond gender stereotypes. The Pomeranian is trialling livestock guarding and considers it a mere formality. (SRF)
Imprint
Der Hündeler is a work of satire.
All 12 articles of this edition at www.hundeler.ch. Photos: Wikimedia Commons, resized, greyscale.
Produced with love & AI by Karpi · www.hundeler.ch
